Since my mom had not been very nurturing or informative about pending womanhood with me, I had to learn all things feminine from friends and older cousins. All of the fantasies I conjured in my head did not prepare me for the day my flow finally arrived, it was not a happy one for me. I was doubled over in sharp awful pain, moaning and pacing, with diarrhea, and vomiting. My mom didn’t know what to do with me, I was both Sybil and Linda Blair all at once. This was the moment that started shaping my beliefs about being a woman. This was the start of my pelvic story.
The pain and horrible experience continued to be delivered to me monthly, and I didn’t really know what to do. It took me out for a whole day, I couldn’t function. Eventually when I was older, I went to Planned Parenthood and got myself on birth control which seemed to help minimize the monthly horror and make it tolerable. That being said, I never felt like myself on the pill, I gained weight and felt very strange. So, started my off and on relationship with birth control, taking different dosages, different brands until I finally decided to ditch it for good.
Fast forward about 28 years, my gynecologist was convinced I had infertility but after seeing some holistic practitioners, taking some herbs, and practicing yoga; I did manage to get pregnant at age 41. Even with these healthy practices and general improved well being, I kept thinking that if childbirth was anything like my periods as a young woman, I did not want to participate in natural childbirth. I was ready to have my epidural and hope for the best. I wasn’t feeling brave.
So, I entered my pregnancy with a good amount of hope intermixed with fear. The pregnancy was so amazing, I felt great through most of it, other than nausea in the first trimester. My daughter’s birth story was not pleasant, however. It was a 24-26 hour period of sheer terror, high adrenaline and anxiety before my doctor finally announced that a C-section was to be done, stat. Her cord was wrapped around her body and was squeezing the life out of her. We both came out of it alive, and for that I am grateful. I often wonder if my deep-seated fear was related to this outcome. All I know is that the experience traumatized me with embedded angst, scar tissue, and gloomy sense that my pelvis would never be the same. I’m quite sure it’s left an imprint on my daughter’s story as well.
After my daughter’s birth; I became interested and trained in pelvic floor therapy and visceral work to help myself and my patients. As a result of her birth experience, I had symptoms of pain, bladder leakage and difficulty connecting with my body. I refused to subscribe to the belief that I had been permanently damaged by these events. As a dancer, I moved my pelvis regularly, it served as the center of my strength and a communicator of who I am.
There are other stories in my pelvis, stories of complete and utter joy, ecstasy and vibrancy. I’m reviving my pelvis to its healthiest state ever. I’m releasing the fears of the past, feeling the joy that it did once deliver. I keep reminding myself that our deepest wisdom, intuition and power resides there.
As a physical therapist I love helping women who have in depth pelvic issues to rid them of pain and dysfunction from faulty mechanics, scar tissue, and muscle restrictions. I really enjoy helping them discover how connected their belief system is connected to their healing.
Our experiences shape our beliefs which in turn shape our experience of who we are as women. We don’t have to own those stories that aren’t serving us, we can change them. We are meant for so much more!
What is your pelvic story? Did a bad experience leave your pelvis numb, empty?
Did you feel disconnected from it, from your true feminine nature? Is it hard to speak your truth, to feel pleasure?
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